i tried to keep up…

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There is no doubt it, the Kardashian family is the most controversial family of our time. I would go ahead and say they have trumped Madonna at her own game and are now the royals of the most scrutinized lifestyles. There is no doubt about it, they can make money off of anything and I guess those are the most admired entrepreneurs of my generation. Of course, the most famous of all them is Kim Kardashian who has one (too many) times been referred to as a modern day Greek goddess. How true that is debatable, obviously. But do keep in mind, the milkshake does bring the boys to the yard.

Clearly.

Within the Kardashian family is a net worth of, well, let us just say it is way more than what we receive as foreign aid. Undoubtedly, some of them do contain more plastic within them than a plastic bottle factory. But that’s OK, we drink tap water anyway. They grace our tabloids with scandalous headlines such as their father deciding to turn into their mother even tho he is well past the age of a midlife crisis. Of course, the most recent scandal would be Rob Kardashian’s choice for a fiance. For years they have entertained us through their award wining show and from the look of things, one thing is certain, the Kardashian family is here to stay.Whether we approve their existence or not.

Anyway, on to the post at hand.

While they do outrageous things in the limelight, the Kardashians know how to step out in style. They have started many fashion trends and continue to do so daily. Now, I could show you all their trendiest clothes but I thought to myself, nah… we see too much of that. Therefore, I bring you the biggest fashion fails of the original Kardashian sisters.

KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN.

The eldest of the Kardashian known kids, fiance to Scott and mother of a couple kids (three) we have Kourtney. With a ‘K’. She doesn’t have a knack for creating scandals except maybe for the Justin Bieber fiasco. Oh.. you didn’t know about that too?

Anyway…
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I feel like this look might be an indirect insult to African women. Something about a head wrap and shades doesn’t seem to be compatible. While she tried to pull off a look synonymous with African queens, she failed miserably.

Her head wrap makes her look like an Indian merchant ready to hire me for minimum wage.

Lol

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They say you can never go wrong with ‘all white’. Clearly ‘they’ needs to be shown this picture.

Enough said.

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Something about this photo makes me think of drum beats and loud sporadic ululation. It appears Kourtney is a runaway dancer from Bomas of Kenya.

All of a sudden I crave fried chicken.

KHLOE KARDASHIAN.

The youngest of the three and former wife to NBA winner Lamar we have Khloe. With a ‘K’. She had the least embarrassing photos, surprisingly. However, I did manage to find one which I think might just be the very best.
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OK, maybe you don’t see it. Let me just zoom in for you…

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If you own a DVD player, or just any modern device you just might notice that is a ‘play’ sign. Maybe I did not receive the memo that this what youngsters are doing nowadays.

KIM KARDASHIAN.

The second born of the Kardashians, wife to loudmouth and currently bankrupt rapper, Kanye West, mother of two, model, entrepreneur, socialite. As I mentioned earlier, severally, she has been referred to as a modern day Greek goddess. Nevertheless, she has had some serious fails…
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This might be who Kim was before she was Kim. She looks like those flower girls at those typical Kenyan weddings marching to that popular wedding tune ( tintintiriiin…tintintiriin)

Don’t even act like you don’t know that tune…

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This look is a classic fail that does nothing to flatter Kim’s figure. Also, silk from head to toe? That’s a no- no.

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Now this is just ugly. Baggy snake print pants? I think not.

She looks Luke she is ready to fight pythons down in the Congo.
“Down Chonga! Chonga down!”

In conclusion, while celebrities live in the public eye and are prone to scrutiny, it is clear to see that they are only human. So go easy on them. Regardless, do feel free to share your opinions regarding today’s post. What was your favorite fashion fail? I am still quite the liberal even in today’s world of man-moms.

OK. Thanks.

talking Shoes…

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Imagine this, you have an interview with bill gates. He is willing to fund a project that has been your brainchild for months. While dressing some people might fret about the color of their tie or the patterns on their shirt. Me? I know the key to impressing Mr ‘Richest Man On Earth’ and it would be… well, not your belt. A little lower… yes. Yes. Your shoes. Your shoes must be worth the occasion if not, you are wasting my good friend’s time. I would also make sure my socks match just in case he asks me to take off my shoes during the meeting. Shoes are our way of presenting ourselves to the universe. Shoes are our culture. Shoes are our identity ( well, for some of us). Shoes are well,  everything. Our shoes speak volumes about who we are. Details about our lives such as what you ate last night, where you slept, where you are going and even what you do are stored in our shoes. At this point, let me just say that having untied shoelaces in public is an indication that your life is falling apart.

Being Kenyan, I know we all have that one shoe that we value and consider part of the family. These are the ones we wear while hosting visitors so that we can show off without really showing off. These shoes accompany us to church more frequently than our Bibles ( no judgment ). We wear the same shoes to our anxious interviews hoping that our mother’s childhood warnings about not getting jobs due to our inability to properly polish our shoes are false. These shoes know all our lovers, as we wear them to every single date. A good pair of shoes is like gold, it never loses it’s value. A good shoe compliments a good outfit, a bad shoe is the outfit.

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Good shoes are a must-have if you are serious about life. If your life coach is not teaching you how to polish and maintain your shoes, ditch him, he is wasting your life. Unless he is the monk who sold his ferari. A good shoe is the key to success. A good shoe can give you a pass in so many great things in life.

I tend to be a good shoe enthusiast and from the venting I just did about having a good shoe, I can guess you ( my esteemed readers ) got an inkling of how a good shoe can just be the turning point of your life.  That having been said, let’s look at what shoes a lady should have stocked in her closet.

1. Flats/ doll shoes.

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Every city girl has  flats.  Even our counterparts deep in the country have a pair. I mean, why not? They are the most comfortable shoes for a lady who knows her way around town. They are light, cheap and convenient for any situation you are likely to find yourself in  this crazy city of ours. Imagine you were just sitting innocently on one of those ‘kanjo’ benches then out of the blues you hear distant sounds of comrades demonstrating along University Way. What will you do? You will run or at least jog away to avoid getting caught in the hullabaloo. Flats are just for that. Getting away. I consider them a must- have.

2. Maasai slippers.

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They are just perfect for that picnic out at Arboretum or any of those “forestry” places. They represent calmness. They whisper to you, ” just chill and let go. I got this.” They are for those occasions that do not involve walking from uptown to Bus Station. I don’t think they we’re even made for walking. They were made to just stay on your feet.

3. Heels.

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Heels. Heels. Heels. I cannot stress this enough.  Having heels is one thing knowing how to walk in them is everything.  The elegance of an expensive pair of heels can be watered down to bits by the poor lady who cannot move around swiftly in them. Heels exhibit class, complexity and mystery.  A lady in heels is a mysterious woman. Everyone wants to know her and walk with her. So… you get it.

4. Boots.

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The chilly season is approaching. It gets too cold. I am even thinking this time around Nairobi, will be covered in snow. It will be crazy. Woe into the lady who does not have those knee high boots in her closet. They are just perfect for my ” Nairobi winter”. They leave no part of the lower limb ( read leg) exposed to the cruelty and severity of the cold.

5. Nikes.

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Why should a lady have Nikes? You may wonder.  Why not? I may counter( your wondering ). Well, Nikes JUST DO IT. These are for the lady who works out or who wants to look like she works out. They are for the lady who knows her stuff. Have you seen those ladies at the gym on the treadmill with a towel around their neck, bottle of mineral water in hand, sports bra and tights? Look at their feet. NIKES. These ladies amidst the vigour of exercise ooze confidence.  That is the power of NIKES.

I leave you with that my esteemed readers. It was a pleasure to meet you, well, virtually, of course.

Article credits to @victor0032.wordpress com.

Nevertheless, do feel free to share your opinion on the article. Which shoes do you consider a must have? Is the article accurate? Show some love for African writers. That having been said, I guess I’ll see you next week.

Otherwise,  how are you?

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of furry creatures and such…

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I have a bone to pick.

Way back then, there was a particular salon I used to go to to have my hair done. Now, the service there was OK and everything was great. However, there was one thing that really used to annoy me. There was a hairdresser I vehemently disliked, but as fate would have it, she was the one always doing my hair. I did not like her.I never complained either. I did not want to raise a kerfuffle and become those dreaded customers for whom prices are spiked just to keep them at bay.  To be sincere, I guess we could say she was quite good at her job. Maybe not New York Fashion Week level but maybe if they had like a ‘Muthurwa’ Fashion Week and served that ‘mutura’ delicacy and that dear Kenyan liquor (ten-ten), I guess we could say she would definitely be in the line up. Right after Sauti Sol’s stylist.
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That kind of thing.

This woman, lets call her Mama Babu because if we know anything about Kenyan salons, there is always a ‘mama someone’ working there. Some of them are not even mothers, mind you, it’s just a title they acquire. I reckon it is a yardstick with which they use to measure the level of expertise. Mama Babu was a typical African woman with those big bottoms that shivered whichever way and those supersized bosoms. She spotted a thick Luo accent alongside the darkest complexion I have seen in awhile. She had those rough hands that you can bet have spanked more buttocks than you have fingers. Anyway,  at times I would go to the salon having washed my hair at home. it’s a normal thing to do. Women have done the same thing since time immemorial. Even back when we were still monkeys, we did the same thing.

No biggie.

Now, what used to get to me was Mama babu’s habit of scrutinizing my hair and saying something like, ” are you sure you washed your hair? It’s still dirty. Next time you should come we wash it for you here at the salon. ”
Of course it was just a way to earn extra cash but it really used to tick me off. So, the next time, I would really scrub my hair and use all sorts of shampoos but she kept saying the same thing. It got to a point i would wash my hair eith ridiculously hot hair just so to eliminate the imaginary dirt she was seeing. *sigh…I dreaded salon days. It was unbearable

Anyway…

To the post at hand.

THE FIVE STRANGEST HAIR CULTURES THAT ARE MAKING A COMEBACK.

  1. Shaving hairlines and eyebrows.

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During the Renaissance era, women shaved their hairlines and eyebrows in order to appear more intelligent. Now, ladies today may see this as a strange practice. I did too until I realized the same thing is still happening today only that women today have evolved in their thinking and take their time to draw their eyebrows back on. It truly is evolution at it’s finest. A daily routine of approximately twenty or so minutes (depending on your arch) just so you can look surprised in style. I guess even the appearing more intelligent bit makes sense if you view it from a certain angle. I mean, with no eyebrows, one’s forehead appears larger and more protruding which we may imagine is from an enlarged brain. I don’t know (nor care) if that is biologically accurate. That’s the beauty of this… I can sit behind my laptop and just spew rubbish like that.

LOL.

  2. Ancient Egyptian hairstyles.

Of course Egyptians made it to this list. For some reason, they have a knack for doing the strangest things and putting them on record for future reference so that if one day you and your drunk friends start arguing about something weird, the Egyptians can help you settle your argument from the great beyond.

Thank you pharaoh.
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Anyway, in ancient Egypt, young adults wore completely shaven heads save for a lock of hair on the side of their heads which they named ‘lock of youth’ to symbolize their age. Now, just picture that for a moment. Doesn’t it closely resemble the girl you sat next to on the bus just the other day? It seems funny at first until you realize various versions of this hairstyle are parading our streets.

Baffling, isn’t it?

3. Passage way to heaven.

During the Vedic period, Indians, just like the Egyptians shaved their heads completely save for a lock of hair at the back or at the side of their heads. Their reason for doing this however, strikes me as stranger than the Egyptians’. Apparently, the lock of hair was ‘to allow God to pull them into heaven’. I don’t know. If getting into heaven was considered this simple by Buddhists I guess the other religions never got the memo.

crazy.

4. R E S P E C T.
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Of course the Chinese would  make it to the list with some Ching-Chong buffoonery. I don’t even know if that line is racist but I am African, I can’t be racist. It’s impossible. Racism was a word intended to describe the unfair treatment towards ‘my people’. See how I say, ‘my people’?

Anyway…

Chinese hairstyles vary depending on various factors such as age and marital status. Now, they never cut their hair as they considered it very disrespectful to their parents from whom they inherited their locks. You know, in other worlds, getting a tattoo or a belly piercing would be considered a very high form of rebellion unlike in China where a small trim of your hair can be viewed as spitting in your parents’ face.
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This trend has made a comeback in the ridiculously long hair pieces and extensions that females put on their heads today. the reasons have diversified of course. today, having a horse’s tail on your head is trendy.

Put that on record for future millennia, please.

5. Braiding.
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This is a indigenous fact. The Maasai morans (warriors) spent a significant amount of time braiding each others hair. You’d think that they would spend more time on learning fighting tactics or something more warrior-like but no, that was not the case. They took their time to also dye each others hair using red ocher. It goes without saying that they undoubtedly gave rise to the redheads we see today.

Just kidding, of course.

There is no way ancient morans gave rise to Ed Sheeran and the others. Nevertheless, many people today spot dyed hair.

Myself, I have red hair.

In conclusion, it is clear that history does repeat itself. Or rather, trends do. I just hope that by the time we’ll go back to dressing in skins and bones I’ll be watching from another dimension.

However do feel free to share with me your thoughts on today’s post. Which was the weirdest culture? Are my comebacks accurate? I assure you I am quite the liberal even in today’s age of trendy horse hair and all types of high class rubbish.

OK. Thanks.